Practice your English

Fazendo uma trégua e eliminando, por um momento, quaisquer referências a NPS (Nosso Pinóquio de Saias, Dona Dilma), NPA (Nosso Pinóquio Acrobata, Lula), STF, Renan, Lewandowski, Toffoli, Barroso, Zavascki, boçais baderneiros, ministros e políticos corruptos (virou redundância no patropi), os voos de galinha do governo, a economia capenga, a saúde pública doente, a segurança pública insegura, e outros que tais que atazanam nossa vida diária e insistentemente, reproduzo abaixo um pouco do bom e velho humor inglês. Agradeço ao caro amigo Levy o envio desse material. Em tempo: para que nossos amigos britânicos não se amofinem, o título da postagem na terra da Rainha seria "Practise your English".

TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here. 
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. 
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. 
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. 
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. 
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' 
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... 
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. 
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher  

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: 

FREE PUPPIES -1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. 

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FREE PUPPIES- Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

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WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

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FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.

Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

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 Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

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